Rainy Day Thoughts

I had to walk to the Ronald McDonald House in the rain for a meeting. It is less than a block but my pants still got wet. It reminded me of Winter Term and walking to class. (Sad the scores of future Furmanites who will never know the joy and agony of Winter Term.) Was it Freshman year or Sophomore year that was so especially yucky? It seemed like it rained every single day of January and February that year.

Anyway I happened to be wearing the very same black rain jacket from that era. My thoughts turned to a misty Valentine's walk while wearing that jacket. The wine cork is still in the inside pocket. I don't know why. I am sure there was a time I wanted it there. Then it was forgotten, then realized and should have been thrown away but some sentimentality kept it safe. And now it has been 9 years in that pocket so....

But earlier, when I thought about that night, I wondered, "What if my 31 year old self could have turned to my almost 22 year old self and said 'RUN! Run now. Forget what he's saying at this moment. In a very short time this is going to end badly.'?" My dear roomie, Laura, would say that I wouldn't have listened. When all is said and done I have to think that everything that has happened has had a part in shaping the person I am now. And I am actually pretty well happy with this girl....of faults there are plenty but learning everyday and growing towards the woman I want to be.

No doubt though that a different road taken would have yielded other lessons learned along the way or even the same ones in an alternate situation and time. So the question becomes - Are there things you would do differently if you could?

I don't mean the dumb stuff. Cuz yeah, I'm sure we'd all change some dumb stuff where the consequences were things like while wrapping singles roses in tissue paper on a Homecoming morning, having to collapse back on the pillow between each one to rest. yikes. That is right up there with waking up in Las Vegas.

I mean things that we perceive would make an impact or would make it better this time around. If yes, then there is no misty Valentine's walk, the previous September would have seen the end of that, for real this time. When another "he" said, "I just need to be your best friend right now." I wish I would have had the strength and the absence of a reeling mind enough to say, "No. You don't get to do that. Not after all this. You want out? We're done - totally done."

I would have studied harder in Humanities, not for the grades but because I wish I could take that class now. I would have taken Physiology and Anatomy in high school to go along with Advanced Chemistry (which I took only because Mr. Ambuske was a great teacher). Maybe I would have discovered that I could do that. I think I would have made a great dermatologist. I would have brought a swimsuit on foreign study after all....when am I ever going to get to swim in the Dead Sea now?

Perhaps you don't consider the past. Sometimes my thoughts are so in the past and in the future that I have to remind myself to live in the here and now. Maybe you are having a rainy day that makes you wonder too. If you have any "I would have..." statements, I'd love to hear 'em.